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Internet, Dead at 27: An American Obituary of Greed and Apathy

Written by Matthew Pelkey, a professor at the University at Buffalo School of Law and a Partner at Colligan Law LLP. (Part 1 of his 2 part series)

AMERICA, Free & Open Internet
It is with great sadness that the people of America announce the death of free and open internet after a brief battle with apathy and greed, on Thursday, December 14, 2017, at the age of 27 years. Internet will be fondly remembered by her loved ones Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and husband of 19 years, Google. Internet will also be fondly remembered by entrepreneurs, educators, students, the economy, job growth and pretty much everyone but the top tax bracket. Internet was predeceased by her brothers Napster, LimeWire, MySpace, AOL Instant Messenger, general decency, and facts.

A Funeral Service in memory of the Internet will be held on Friday December 15, 2017 at 1:00 p.m., at your local Internet Café, to the extent one still exists. Interment will be indefinite through increased costs, limited bandwidth, limited options, lack of open access, decreased competition, and generally poor-quality service providers. Those who so desire may make memorial donations in memory of the Internet to the THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT foundation.


As an advocate for small businesses, and a small business itself, Rise Collaborative stands for the protection of net neutrality rules. As an organization made up of average Americans, we stand for preserving the free exchange of knowledge and ideas, not just those that owners of our country’s handful of ISP’s approve of. We’re reaching out to multiple historians, science enthusiasts, and legal minds to hear their take on what’s at stake. Please take net neutrality seriously. What the FCC has planned for December will destroy the internet as we know it, and not just temporarily. 

Write your House and Senate representatives today, and submit comments to the FCC’s website. Here’s how to navigate the site they purposely set up to confuse you. We’re running out of time.