Blog

What If The Buffalo Bills Weren’t Buffalo Bills, But Instead Were Ninja Turtles?

We can’t bring back the Bills teams from the 90s, so lets reimagine the current Bills as characters from one of our favorite 90s shows!


In honor of Rise’s The 90s Rise Again: The Sequel Halloween Party this Saturday, we thought about which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character some of favorite Buffalo Bills would be. We even included a villain.

Tyrod Taylor – Leonardo

Signal caller Tyrod Taylor finds his doppelgänger in the katana-wielding Leonardo. Stoic both by nature and due to the pressures of leadership, Tyrod and Leo demand a great deal from themselves and will accept blame rather than see it passed onto others. Their shared calm demeanor belies the intensity with which they attack the task at hand, an admirable quality in any leader. That said, both Leo and Tyrod could probably stand to lighten up a bit.

Jerry Hughes – Raphael

Raphael is the fire to Leonardo’s ice, and he finds a kindred spirit in pass rusher Jerry Hughes. Like Raph, Hughes is cool, cocky, and a bit of hot-head, and that can get them into trouble. Whether it’s trying to take on Shredder single-handed, or ripping a guy’s helmet off after a big play, temper can undercut their shared virtues of strength, speed and bravery. In spite of their fiery demeanors, both Hughes’ and Raphael’s skills and dedication are above question, making them a force to be reckoned with.

Shady – Michelangelo

Michelangelo is a party dude, and so is LeSean McCoy. Fun is fun, but neither Shady nor Mikey lets having a good time get in the way of taking care of business…… well most of the time, anyway. Despite occasional bouts of immaturity, you can’t stay mad at either of them for long, because they’re just so damn fun. According to an old Pizza Hut promo, Michelangelo’s favorite pizza toppings are pepperoni, smoked ham, pineapple, and jalapeños. No word on whether Shady is on board with this unorthodox mix.

Micah Hyde – Donatello

Much like his reptilian counterpart, Hyde is the brains of the operation- organizing the Bills revamped secondary and using his superb anticipation to snag a team-high four INTs. That said, neither Micah nor Donatello are afraid to get physical when their brothers need them, each carrying his own big stick. Intelligent, versatile, and fearless, both Hyde and Donatello are comfortable doing their part outside of the spotlight.

Kyle Williams – Splinter

The warrior’s journey isn’t always an easy one, as both Kyle Williams and Master Splinter know too well. Like Splinter, Williams has spent years honing his craft in relative obscurity, patiently waiting for his opportunity. Both share a fierce devotion to those close to them, and in turn are renowned and admired for their skills and leadership. At this point, their greatest value lies in passing their knowledge on to the next generation, but are not to be underestimated in battle.

Sabres Goalie Robin Lehner – Casey Jones

Let’s be honest: there aren’t a ton of analogs out there for a half-crazed vigilante who cleans up the city by streetlight wearing hockey equipment, so by virtue of the mask Robin Lehner will have to do. I have no clue whether Robin Lehner also hates bald punkers in green makeup (or fails to differentiate these from mutant turtles), but this is a last minute costume solid choice.

Rex Ryan – The Foot Clan

C’mon. we had to.

Thanks to @marc_pitarresi for sharing his interpretive take on the Bills and 90s pop-culture for the piece.